I'm not trying to ignore you.
It's been a little while since I have made a post about anything. This is not a habit that I want to get into. Curious what I have been doing since I made my last post? Of course you are. Well I take pictures for the local fair and spent a good chunk of my time doing that.
-Side story:-
I have had a sick obsession with going to the fair the past couple of years because I want to make the walking entertainer love me. He's like the best. He walks around and juggles on and off stilts with or without fire. He does magic tricks and card tricks. He just brings so much joy to these little kids lives. You know that he is goofy; So I mean, what else could you look for in someone? I still haven't spoken to him but I am sure that I want to marry him. His girlfriend probably won't like me when she meets me. (Yes, I did some crazy detective work to find him on insta and saw he had a girl). It's okay though, he talked to me once in a pass by instant. Things are going well for us.
I still am getting fun things to test and try out. I am pretty excited to get my hand on them. I also had a bit of a come apart. Some times things just hit me and it's like the unexpected dagger to the stomach but all those around you knew it was coming. This was one of those times. I am still coming back up from my funk but I am doing way better than I was.
You know, you can have this dream and goal that you can push and cry and hurt and love and this whole skew of emotions over it. This dream in some cases isn't going to happen no matter what you try to do. Some times you just have to walk away from it after all the blood, sweat and tears. I'm in the situation where it is time to walk away. I'm stuck and I am going no where. The impatiences and frustration that I am not where I want to be has hit an overwhelming point and I'm not sure how to underwhelm it.
I hope that there is a chance in the future that I will be able to come back to what I am doing and just let loose with it and every thing flow naturally for it. I just have to be realistic with my life right now. I don't have time to dawdle with dreams.
I did some rearranging too. I moved the living room completely around and I think that it really looks wonderful. Now, my bedroom on the other hand is still a mess. Everything is still out in the middle of the floor. I just have so much stuff that finding a home for it all is hard. It's probably going to go live in the attic with the rest of my stuff which is depressing. There is some stuff that I haven't seen for years.
It's alright though. I did decide that if I couldn't use it then I didn't need it. I am slowly going through all my stuff and giving it away to my moms church family. I'm debating on keeping jackets for the winter time so I can give them to the shelter for the homeless. It would help them out a little and I hate the thought of these men and women out on the streets freezing to death because they can't get to the shelter that is open that day or one not being open. Now that this thought is in my mind, maybe I should go through my blankets too.
I did enjoy my fourth of the July "weekend", as I hope y'all did. I had to do the fair photos on the 1 and 2. My best friend got home on the second from her work trip as well so we met up for a little bit to chat that night. ( I was really having a hard time living because my allergies had kicked in full force from all the dust at the fair.) Then Sunday we had a 4th of july red white and banging july 3rd party. My step dad had to work the 4th and wanted to get all of us together. So we had some drinks, a lot of jello shots, great food, and swam under the fireworks others were letting off. It was an awesome get together. Then the 4th, we went to my best friends house to spend time with her family for the 4th. There we had a little cook out and played with sparklers and snap pops with my little boy. That was also a good day.
This weekend thing through me off because I thought my kiddos dad had him this weekend. How would one get that mixed up? Well, one, I am just terrible keeping track of dates and I'll tell you this story later on and two, the weekend was tilted off just enough that I still had the boy for what was a weekend. His dad had him fri and sat and I had him sun and mon. I am one of those people that have to write in the calendar when the days are.
***Second side story***
So I had my annual gyno appointment this week. I get there 15 mins early cause I only go once a year for my check up and they have to update the paperwork every time. I'm sure every one knows how that is. So I am power housing thorough this paper work. date- 6/7/16 signature date-6/7/16 signature date6/7/16 date- 6/7/16 date 6/7/16 last menstrual cycle 5/13/16 date 6/7/16 signature. I am just flying through thinking man this is easy. The nurse calls me back and we sit down and asks if I am still taking this birth control and I confirm. Then she asks why I haven't had a period in two months and I am puzzled. No I had one last month and shes like well you wrote May. So it hits me that I have completely filled out this paper work wrong and everything is basically invalid. I apologized profusely and she thought it was amusing.
Any who that is what I have been up to. Failing at life a little at a time. Except for the pictures cause standing next to rides and taking pictures of little children is what I am apparently good at. I'm just a good creepo and that should be my new life profession.
I hope y'alls last couple weeks have been good.
Always,
Jac
-Side story:-
I have had a sick obsession with going to the fair the past couple of years because I want to make the walking entertainer love me. He's like the best. He walks around and juggles on and off stilts with or without fire. He does magic tricks and card tricks. He just brings so much joy to these little kids lives. You know that he is goofy; So I mean, what else could you look for in someone? I still haven't spoken to him but I am sure that I want to marry him. His girlfriend probably won't like me when she meets me. (Yes, I did some crazy detective work to find him on insta and saw he had a girl). It's okay though, he talked to me once in a pass by instant. Things are going well for us.
I still am getting fun things to test and try out. I am pretty excited to get my hand on them. I also had a bit of a come apart. Some times things just hit me and it's like the unexpected dagger to the stomach but all those around you knew it was coming. This was one of those times. I am still coming back up from my funk but I am doing way better than I was.
You know, you can have this dream and goal that you can push and cry and hurt and love and this whole skew of emotions over it. This dream in some cases isn't going to happen no matter what you try to do. Some times you just have to walk away from it after all the blood, sweat and tears. I'm in the situation where it is time to walk away. I'm stuck and I am going no where. The impatiences and frustration that I am not where I want to be has hit an overwhelming point and I'm not sure how to underwhelm it.
I hope that there is a chance in the future that I will be able to come back to what I am doing and just let loose with it and every thing flow naturally for it. I just have to be realistic with my life right now. I don't have time to dawdle with dreams.
I did some rearranging too. I moved the living room completely around and I think that it really looks wonderful. Now, my bedroom on the other hand is still a mess. Everything is still out in the middle of the floor. I just have so much stuff that finding a home for it all is hard. It's probably going to go live in the attic with the rest of my stuff which is depressing. There is some stuff that I haven't seen for years.
It's alright though. I did decide that if I couldn't use it then I didn't need it. I am slowly going through all my stuff and giving it away to my moms church family. I'm debating on keeping jackets for the winter time so I can give them to the shelter for the homeless. It would help them out a little and I hate the thought of these men and women out on the streets freezing to death because they can't get to the shelter that is open that day or one not being open. Now that this thought is in my mind, maybe I should go through my blankets too.
I did enjoy my fourth of the July "weekend", as I hope y'all did. I had to do the fair photos on the 1 and 2. My best friend got home on the second from her work trip as well so we met up for a little bit to chat that night. ( I was really having a hard time living because my allergies had kicked in full force from all the dust at the fair.) Then Sunday we had a 4th of july red white and banging july 3rd party. My step dad had to work the 4th and wanted to get all of us together. So we had some drinks, a lot of jello shots, great food, and swam under the fireworks others were letting off. It was an awesome get together. Then the 4th, we went to my best friends house to spend time with her family for the 4th. There we had a little cook out and played with sparklers and snap pops with my little boy. That was also a good day.
This weekend thing through me off because I thought my kiddos dad had him this weekend. How would one get that mixed up? Well, one, I am just terrible keeping track of dates and I'll tell you this story later on and two, the weekend was tilted off just enough that I still had the boy for what was a weekend. His dad had him fri and sat and I had him sun and mon. I am one of those people that have to write in the calendar when the days are.
***Second side story***
So I had my annual gyno appointment this week. I get there 15 mins early cause I only go once a year for my check up and they have to update the paperwork every time. I'm sure every one knows how that is. So I am power housing thorough this paper work. date- 6/7/16 signature date-6/7/16 signature date6/7/16 date- 6/7/16 date 6/7/16 last menstrual cycle 5/13/16 date 6/7/16 signature. I am just flying through thinking man this is easy. The nurse calls me back and we sit down and asks if I am still taking this birth control and I confirm. Then she asks why I haven't had a period in two months and I am puzzled. No I had one last month and shes like well you wrote May. So it hits me that I have completely filled out this paper work wrong and everything is basically invalid. I apologized profusely and she thought it was amusing.
Any who that is what I have been up to. Failing at life a little at a time. Except for the pictures cause standing next to rides and taking pictures of little children is what I am apparently good at. I'm just a good creepo and that should be my new life profession.
I hope y'alls last couple weeks have been good.
Always,
Jac
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