Love Letter 4

 To the boy that gave me hope, 

I would like to think not many people meet me frazzled. You are one of the only ones that I can think of that has met me like this. It is not a look that I like to carry myself with. I hope it wasn't too off putting of me but when you have to deal with people that are not cooperative it makes doing simple tasks like that. 

I don't want to be rude but your appearance was not something that pulled me in. You are very average looking and that isn't a bad thing. There is something about you that makes your personality magnetic though. You have a very youthful energy and always positive is something that is hard to find in the world. At least for me it is.

You are probably the sweetest person I have met in my adult years. You genuinely care about the people around you. You are always putting yourself out there to help everyone, not thinking of yourself first. You are goofy and always had fun with all the kids. You weren't afraid to let the nerdy side of you show.

I didn't want to like you. Actually, my best friend thought you were adorable and had the biggest crush on you. 

You grew on me surprisingly. You wanted to check in each day we met. I can't pinpoint exactly when it moved over to me wanting to be in this bubble you had built around yourself. You looked so cozy and full of sunshine and I wanted to be a part of it; I wanted the sunshine to shine down on my face and give me the comfort that you had.

We had a lot in common. I we like the outdoors and when you told me that you wrote stories for kids my heart fluttered and squeezed with admiration. 

You seemed like you enjoyed talking to me. Our messages grew from business to personal. 

I want to slap my face down on a table when I think about letting things go too far. Drinking and texting is not for the weak. I cringe every time I think about blatantly telling you that I liked you and asking you how you felt. I messed it up bad.

You told me that I was not old enough for you. The only thing I was thinking when you told me that was that I've dated older, with a larger age gap, and never had any issues. It was sort of a double blow. You weren't interested and I made a fool of myself on top of it.

The secret is that making a fool of myself isn't anything new. I'm actually quiet good at it when I'm interested in someone.

I dropped it and didn't touch it again.

I have a hidden talent of ignoring things like that. 

We both acted like nothing was said and we moved on. I stopped messaging you and you never made an effort to attempt it. Of course when our schedules went back on track that was the last time we talked.

It's sad to watch someone you enjoy talking with just vanish from your life. Of course by this time my best friend knew what happen and just shook her head at both of us. You were put in the back of my mind, hidden for only me to find.

The next year I knew that there wasn't a way to request being on your team. I remember walking a few feet away from you, headed in my own direction that wasn't close to you. I didn't see you but I hear that you saw me. My friend said that you were in mid conversation when I walked by and you just stopped and stared.

I wish I had a camera to capture the moment before it was gone. 

After that you always were greeting me when you saw me. It seemed like even when you didn't have a reason to be where I was, you found a way to be able to greet me. Sometimes I wonder what would of happened if we were closer in age.

You gave me hope that there are still guys out there that are one of a kind. You reminded me of the simple fact that I don't have to lower my standards for someone to give me kindness.

I hope that you are out there in the world give little bits of your sunshine.