Love Letter 11

 To the boy who made me believe in soulmates, 

I've written to you before. Here we are again. Me laying my heart out there to see.

I want to say that you have been a constant in my life but you're just as flaky as I am. That's not a compliment either. We are pretty much the worst people to try and make plans with. We're the most toxic kind of people that fall in and out of people's lives for no reason at all.

You make me feel like the world stops for me because it sees me. You make me feel like I am desired and wanted. We haven't seen one another in a long time now. You seem like you are enjoying life. I went to send you a happy birthday message and saw that you had blocked me. I'm not sure what I did for that to happen, but I'm not upset about it. A little bummed that I didn't get to send you a happy birthday message.

You know, when we were together, I really felt like I understood my worth. It sounds weird when you say it like that because everyone seems to know that they are worthwhile and wonderful, but you never said anything that reinforced it. It was just the ways that you stared at me. The silence reaching into my mind. Your eyes reading my soul. It felt like you reached in and took hold reminding me that I wasn't alone.

I'm not sure how to describe it but you did it. Things will never work out for us. We're the one that are not meant to be. We come together and the more were together the more things explode and damage everything around us. We're drawn like black holes. Taking the light from everything around us.

You begged for years, and I finally gave in. Something we were both relieved to finally happen. Afterwards it was peaceful, but I always wanted more. I always wanted to come back for that high that you gave me. The high that ripped at us and pulled at us nonstop.

Can soulmates be this violent and destructive? I don't think so. I do believe that it is a peace that they give you. A want to always come back for more. A desire to reach out and calm your storms. Eyes to make you feel seen and important.