In my head

 Why am I living in my head today? I guess if I want clear answers, I have to give my answers clear too. It's only fair. 

The problem is, where is the line of oversharing and under sharing? I want to be able to talk about all the things that make a person beautiful and unique. I want to be able to talk about what it was like when you had your heart broken the first time. The first time that your family embarrassed you that you can remember. What makes you fall asleep at night. Your favorite vacation that you have ever been on. How you handle nightmares and what dreams you've had recently. Where you see yourself in a year and your biggest life goals.

My love language is quality time. Spending time together is something I really enjoy, love really. Even just sitting in silence makes me happy. You've taken your most valuable thing and spent it on me. What's better than that? Knowing that you've made someone's schedule gives me warm, fuzzy feelings like when a cat chooses to snuggle up next to you. 

I also love to adore people. People are amazing and interesting. I don't like hearing how everyone else is special over me though. I like to hear that I'm cute and charming. Beautiful and smart. Kind and brave. Different than the rest. Maybe I'm crazy. I've been burned a time or two with this though and I'm a little gun shy when it comes to listening to others get compliments that I thought were mine. 

It makes me question everything that I thought was holding the foundation together. 

Am I blind? Just overreaching for something that I want but I will never actually be able to attain. I feel like I've dug myself down in this pit and I'm just waiting for someone to come along and help dig me back out. Or even come down with me and let me know that I don't have to dig out by myself. 

I feel sick for thinking this way. Thinking that there is someone out there who wants to be there through all of it, no matter how awful it is just because they know that the travel is going to be worth it. That I am worth all of it. I have to remind myself that I am worth the risks and pain that go along with it. Some days I just get so caught up in it, that it doesn't make sense that anyone would want to even think about it.

Thoughts for today that have my noodle wrapped in a knot. 

If you don't approve of her fiancé, say something. Tell her you love her; that she can't ruin her life for this guy. Go be with her and live a happy life. A life that you actually want to live. You can tell her that she is beautiful every day and wake up beside her. Share everything with her. Don't hold yourself back because you're scared or whatever reason you have. You'll lose everything that you want. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't make the move.