I miss it

 I know that I messed up. I knew from the beginning that this would never evolve into what I wanted. You told me that I wasn't what you wanted. Yet, I proceeded forward and let myself feel my feelings. You want something that isn't me. I know I'll never be what you want. But there is something that keeps me from running away. 

It could be how kind you are. Maybe that you are genuine with me, as far as I can tell. You're gentle with me. It feels like you pour your love out. 

I miss getting called sweetheart. It was the best part of my day. It's probably easier that you don't now. Doesn't make it easier for me though. 

I'm not ready to walk away. You've changed though. You've given me that hardest shove back that I have ever received. You decided it is easier to end the things I enjoy now. 

It's been 3 months. Did you realize? I doubt it.

I know what's coming soon. You'll end up disappearing. It's the easiest thing to do. 

I want to be a friend and be there for you but I don't know how. Every time I mention that I'm going to dig into you, you panic and refuse. I don't know what hurt you that bad but I'm sorry that it happened to you. 

I guess we'll see how this plays out but I can already see what is coming.