Love Letter 28

 To the boy I wish I never knew,

Let me just start this off by saying a huge, enormous, fuck you. I cannot describe how much I mean that with the entirety of my soul. Every inch of who I am means it with the deepest sincerity. 

You're older than me. You would think that with age would come some kind of emotional intelligence or any kind of wisdom. Oh, but not with you buddy. Sometimes I wonder how I even dated you. 

Things were good and chill in the beginning. That's how the story always starts though, isn't it?

You were there and you made me laugh. Let's be truthful though. This was a low in my life. I was doing things that should have guaranteed that I would be dead right now. I think that was my whole purpose of doing them. I was just done with life. I was broken and hurt.

You knew how to swoop in and get trust from a 19-year-old while you were 34. I gave it freely though. That is on me. 

Things were good until you lost your temper. You would lash out and make sure to hurt anyone that was near you. I wasn't the only one hurt and broken. 

That night you went after my sister still rings clear to this day. When things go quiet in my head, I can still hear you screaming at her. I can still see her pinned up against the wall. 

I have a fighting spirit but I've never been a fighter. I think I will always beat myself down over that moment because I froze. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help or defuse the situation. That moment will make me feel weak for the rest of my life. 

I can't say that I'm glad that we had that relationship. Actually, I wish that we never had. I hope that you've grown up and found a simpler way in life. I also hope that I never cross paths with you again in my life.