Zemblanity

 Welp. I think it's time to close this chapter. I see that along the way I developed feelings for you. I'm not sure when it happened but while I was reflecting this week, I realized that they are there. I know that this is something that you don't want which is why this has to be closed.

I was thinking back about what I was thankful for and you crossed my mind. It hit and I had to stop for a moment and really question if this was a friendship thing or a romantic thing. I took a lot of time to explore my feelings for you and at the base there was the hope that things would progress. 

You told me that is something that you don't want with me. I have to respect that and move forward with my life to grow into something that I want. 

I need someone that wants to talk to me and learn who I am as a person. I need someone who wants to see me achieve all my dreams and help me grow to the best version of myself. I need someone who makes sure that I am good in my daily life and shares burdens with me. I need someone who wants to wrap me in their arms at the end of the day because it brings peace to us. I need someone who loves me through all of my weaknesses.

I want to share my entire being with someone and receive the same thing back. I want the balance that comes with a relationship. Some days us lifting one another 50/50, some days 80/20, and some days 90/10. Life ebbs and flows and we all need the support sometimes with the people we surround ourselves with. 

I knew that I wasn't someone you would take the time for and I never saw that as a problem because we have separate lives. I knew that you didn't want to incorporate me in your life because you wanted the friendship. I realized though that I tell the people in my life what's going on and reach out to keep touch and that I would never get to give that or receive that from you.

I can't go days on end without talking to someone that is important in my life. 

It started with me unsure when you would be back. Then followed with acknowledging how busy you are. Finally, it ended with I want to see where I land on the important scale in your life. I know a phone works both ways but the masochist in me had the questions and got the answers. 

I hope that you find someone who takes care of you and nurtures you into the person that will be your greatest self. I hope that I find that someday too.